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memorycareOn Monday 7/1/14, I was on vacation with my husband in a remote national park that was nearly completely out of cell range. A call came through from a number I didn't recognize. I let it ring through to voicemail, but we didn't get back into sufficient cell range for me to be able to check voicemail for a couple of hours.
The call was from Mom's hospice nurse.
Mom stopped drinking and eating on Sunday, and had a high fever. She was not responsive.
Of course, she chose the one time to rapidly decline that I was several hours away from the nearest airport and popping in and out of cell range. My husband swears that Mom had a sixth sense that I was out of the area.
So my husband and I Had A Long Talk About This. The upshot: I felt I didn't need to be there for her passing. Both of us were (and still are) OK with this.
I spoke with Mom's facility. Mom was completely NOT conscious of what was going on around her any more. She hadn't spoken since shortly after I last saw her a couple of weeks previous...and she wasn't saying more than "OK" or "Yes" or "No" at that point. The administrator admitted that Mom hadn't really increased her interactivity at all since I was last there.
Subsequently, I spoke with one of my two cousins, Mom's only other living relatives, and also with one of my mother's only remaining childhood friend.
We decided to NOT cut short our vacation, because there was absolutely no point to doing so. Mom was housed in a facility dedicated to dementia and Alzheimers, and was looked after by a staff of trusted caregivers I'd been interacting with and observing for a year. She had a hospice nurse sitting with her to ensure that she remained comfortable and pain-free.
The next day, we reached Salt Lake City, where we were to spend just under a week. While taking a nap after being treated for a sinus infection, I awoke to find 2 voicemails on my phone informing me that Mom had passed away at 12:58 PM on Tuesday 7/2. She never resumed talking since I'd last seen her two weeks previously.
As I write this, I'm still in Salt Lake City, having made arrangements for a Bay Area funeral home to keep Mom's body refrigerated for the moment. I've been working remotely with the funeral home to arrange to have Mom's body transferred back to Chicago for burial with my father, which was Mom's very specific wish.
Once that's all done, I can start taking the information I've blogged here and elsewhere, and start working on that book about dealing with dementia that Mom's medical caregivers have all been asking me to write.
The call was from Mom's hospice nurse.
Mom stopped drinking and eating on Sunday, and had a high fever. She was not responsive.
Of course, she chose the one time to rapidly decline that I was several hours away from the nearest airport and popping in and out of cell range. My husband swears that Mom had a sixth sense that I was out of the area.
So my husband and I Had A Long Talk About This. The upshot: I felt I didn't need to be there for her passing. Both of us were (and still are) OK with this.
I spoke with Mom's facility. Mom was completely NOT conscious of what was going on around her any more. She hadn't spoken since shortly after I last saw her a couple of weeks previous...and she wasn't saying more than "OK" or "Yes" or "No" at that point. The administrator admitted that Mom hadn't really increased her interactivity at all since I was last there.
Subsequently, I spoke with one of my two cousins, Mom's only other living relatives, and also with one of my mother's only remaining childhood friend.
We decided to NOT cut short our vacation, because there was absolutely no point to doing so. Mom was housed in a facility dedicated to dementia and Alzheimers, and was looked after by a staff of trusted caregivers I'd been interacting with and observing for a year. She had a hospice nurse sitting with her to ensure that she remained comfortable and pain-free.
The next day, we reached Salt Lake City, where we were to spend just under a week. While taking a nap after being treated for a sinus infection, I awoke to find 2 voicemails on my phone informing me that Mom had passed away at 12:58 PM on Tuesday 7/2. She never resumed talking since I'd last seen her two weeks previously.
As I write this, I'm still in Salt Lake City, having made arrangements for a Bay Area funeral home to keep Mom's body refrigerated for the moment. I've been working remotely with the funeral home to arrange to have Mom's body transferred back to Chicago for burial with my father, which was Mom's very specific wish.
Once that's all done, I can start taking the information I've blogged here and elsewhere, and start working on that book about dealing with dementia that Mom's medical caregivers have all been asking me to write.
